Monday, 23 November 2015

[Announcement] Witter Waffle is Moving! [Announcement]

[Announcement] Witter Waffle is Moving! [Announcement] 

Ladies and Gentlemen! Owlbears and Minotaurs! Creeping horrors and hideous monsters! 

I am happy to announce that Witter Waffle is moving. It has been wonderful writing Witter Waffle for the last seven-ish months and I have no intentions of hanging up the pen or keyboard any time soon. 

Witter Waffle will be eaten and absorbed into Final Thoughts of a Murdered Guard, where Oliver Palmer and I have some wicked ideas for collaboration and future shenanigans.

All posts on this blog are now on  Final Thoughts of a Murdered Guard and all new blog posts from myself will be appearing there.

Thank you all! Happy Rolling. 

Friday, 13 November 2015

It's a Trap! - The Wishing Tree

It's a Trap! 

I have a new idea, Traps! Everyone likes traps. This trap appears to be a puzzle to get a mighty magical item and really, it's just character death all over. 

You can never had enough items or traps  which cause your players misery, despair and bemusement in your game. If you are looking for something nasty here is a trap/encounter  which is easy to throw into one of your games. This is designed to make your players regret ever thinking it was a good idea to doubt their vulnerability. It might be an idea to have the players hear of a rumour about this particular tree.  

The Wishing Tree
Well, that looks safe... 

"The wishing tree" stands isolated from its fellow foliage in the centre of an ominous clearing, or perhaps buried, lost, in a chasm beneath the earth. This tree seems to stretch on forever, its branches twist and snake together and cast black shadows over the rotting ground. Its leaves shine sanguine; and they are coated in a sticky red dew. The tree's mighty trunk pulsates; as if it is breathing in deep and then exhaling raggedly.  All around the tree grows a thick wall of dark brambles and there is only one pathway to the tree itself through the distorted thorns. 

In the centre of the tree's trunk is a gaping hole, coal-black and stretching inwards forever. Sat on the lip of this human sized entrance to the tree is a beautiful stone woman clutching in her hands a golden branch with the same red leaves. It appears from a distance that the branch might be removable and highly valuable.

If you want to add in a bit more incentive to get your players to approach, ask them if they are looking closely across the brambles at the stone woman's body or face. If so, they must make a Save Vs. Magic/ Save Vs. Will. If they fail, they will be compelled to approach the woman and touch her. If the statue is touched then the player must make a Save Vs Paralyse or they themselves will be turned to stone. The effect will only end if the player is carried or removed from the clearing. Weapons can touch the statue without effect. 
It's possible your players can hear a soft "Nom, Nom, Nom"...

The brambles are living vampiric plants and if the players attempt to cut them down they will attack the players and  drag them into the thorns (Save Vs. Paralyse, or a grapple). The brambles will wrap around the player, embed their thorns into the players skin and then drain them of their blood. Stat these brambles to be quite dangerous, to discourage players from attempting to cut through them to the tree. The pathway is the only way to the statue that is vaguely safe. Even then, the players should not tread too heavily or risk being attacked by the brambles (Stealth or a Dex Roll). Give the players a hint that they should walk carefully by the brambles; have them tremble, or have the players glimpse the brambles moving on their own. 

If the players make is safety past the trees outer defences, touching the tree or the statue will cause the player to turn to stone unless they save. 

If they attempt to take the branch from the statue it will grasp the branch tightly until it is let go, at which point the statue will relax again. The players can try to remove the branch with strength or through dexterity to try and snatch it away. If they remove the head of the statue, the statue will drop the branch but blood will spill from the statues neck and the woman's head will turn back to flesh, screaming one last time. 

The branch itself is worthless; it appears to be an ordinary branch which has been painted gold. The leaves are wilted and old. A magic users investigations, or an intelligence check, will reveal that the tree branch does have some magical properties. The person holding the branch will need to make a Save Vs. Magic roll, or they will be compelled to make a wish.

Whatever they wish for should be interpreted wrongly and should either cause death, mutilation or something horrible to happen to either the player or their loved ones. How this works is up to you. For example, someone wishing for gold should themselves be slowly turned to gold over the course of the adventure, having to make save vs. magic to see how long they can resist the wishes full effects until eventually they become a solid gold statue. If the effect is instant or slow burning, that is again down to you.

The tree should not give anything useful to the players. It is here to kill them or mutilate them.

The hole behind the statue goes on forever. If a player tries to enter, they will fall into an abyss . For hundreds of years they will stay suspended in maddening darkness, unheard, with the light of the outside world hanging above them forever out of reach. The tree will slowly over those hundreds of years digest the players body, while they writhe in helpless agony.

 If the branch is thrown into the abyss then the statues will return to their flesh forms. You can decide if they return alive or dead. 


All images have been sourced from and are not used for commercial purposes. 

Wednesday, 4 November 2015

The Rumour Table - A Weird Rumour Table for Table Top Villages

The Rumour Table

A nice and simple rumour table for any of your villages or towns that need a bit of character. Throw these in at the beginning of the adventure to give the players something to smile about, or build something darker out of whatever you roll. Are they simply rumours or is there some truth behind them?

It is said that once a year, the body of a murdered tax man rises from the grave to collect the tax money he is owed from the descendants of those who killed him. If he knocks on your door, you best pay, or face a grisly end.
It has been rumoured that if you should see your shadow split in two, that is the sign that soon death herself will come to claim your soul.
It is rumoured that within the next decade a blue moon will rise over the village and shed light on all of the secrets being harboured by the villagers, for all to see.
It has been said that licking one of the vile toads that squat in the village ponds will grant you a great and terrible power. You will just need to find the right one... 
It has been rumoured that all of the cats in the village can secretly speak. You should always cover a cats ears when speaking ill of someone. Cats are gossips.
On the day of her wedding, if the bride does not receive a kiss on her right cheek from her mother in law, and a kiss on her left from her father in law, then she shall wake the next morning with bloody, gaping holes in her cheeks.
It has been said that if a bard plays "The Cruel Mother" on the night of a full moon, the ghost of The Cruel Mother will steal into the first borns bedroom of all women in the village and stab the children through the heart.
There is a tale of two twins who danced on the roof of the village inn one night whilst drunk. Tragically, one slipped and fell to their death. Distraught, the second threw himself off  the roof so he could die with his brother. Now, whenever one twin dies in the village the other twin will die on the same day, an hour later. 
If the groom does not spit North, East, South and West of the marital bed before taking his bride, he will be doomed to infertility and madness.
It is said that in the well is a beautiful water nymph who wishes for a handsome man to climb down to marry her. Everyone who has gone down has not returned.
It has been said that when young children play their games in the woods and fields, they must not disturb any mushrooms. If they do, wood sprites will steal into their beds and eat a pound of their flesh for every mushroom moved.
It is said that underneath the village lies a great labyrinth of tunnels where naughty children are sent by their parents to starve and be eaten by children who survive.
It is rumoured that the young noble lord and lady who own that land are hiding a terrible secret; they have been rumoured to walk hand in hand with the heads of bulls for hoods each night, taking a young lover together each night into the woods and leaving the body old and gray by dawn.
It has been rumoured that whoever accepts the role of Captain of the Guard is doomed to repeat the life of the guard before him until he commits suicide.
It is said you should always carry a piece of lavender on your person so that if you should meet a witch, you can give it to her as a gift. She will curse you if you do not.
On the day of a birth, a pigs hoof or rabbits foot must be placed underneath the child's crib or bed. If not, the creatures that call the underplace of the bed their home will eat the childs feet in the night.
It is rumoured that the left sock of a person is stolen by a squat dwarf who uses them to create traps for venomous spiders and snakes; which is why there are no venomous snakes or spiders in the village. What else he is using them for, no one knows!
It is said if you are drunk and piss in the river, or lake, nearby the village, something lurking in the water will crawl up inside you and use your body like a puppet.
There is a tale that if a young man or woman is defiled against their wishes in the forest or in the village, the attacker will face a trial by the Three Furies, on the anniversary of his or her wrongdoing, who will rip the guilty party limb from limb over and over, forever more.
There is a tale that if you do not mark your doorway and windows with white chalk on All Hallows Eve, the house itself will come alive and ooze a liquid in the night to digest you in your sleep.